


I am here.

by Fleshwerks



Series: Tantalus in Phlegethon [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst/Fluff, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 15:33:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10311401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleshwerks/pseuds/Fleshwerks
Summary: Leandaros Surana has finally followed Zevran Arainai to Antiva after a year apart. Their reunion isn't going as well as it should.





	

  
Some things had changed, some hadn’t. The way Zevran rained flirt and flattery down on anyone who wasn’t half a fright was one of the things Lea had wished could be done away with. He’d crossed the Waking Sea and closed the year-long gap between them the moment the moving of the Warden-Commander’s seat from Vigil to Soldier’s Peak no longer required his direct oversight. So how come the beloved Crow had honeyed words for everyone who wasn’t a complete fright to look at but nary a word for the Warden? He’d only been in Antiva for a few week, but their reunion had been lukewarm and since then they had not shared a kiss nor spent a night with each other.

  
Old worms wriggled in his gut, gnawing away. Had time dampened their fire? But he said nothing. Instead the rebel Crows would perch on their stools around a makeshift table in their hideout, planning the next hit, so Lea sat and listened in silence as Zevran’s second in command issued orders down the pecking order, even to Lea himself. Once again, he was to be bait, allow himself to be detained and see that an hour after capture the whole camp would be sound in magical sleep, their throats ripe for cutting.

  
He wanted to argue and resented being given orders, but such was his disguise. To the rebel Crows, Lea Surana was a friend of Zevran’s, a no-name he’d met and saved when the Twice Kingmaker had purged the Circle of Ferelden from demons and blood magic. Someone who’d come to join the Cause out of gratitude. It was not yet time to reveal to the rebels that a Commander of the Grey had thrown his support behind the rebels, or the entire undertaking would grind to a halt, and he’d risk his own influence and status. And so, he’d remain just a mage, a friend, and he’d sit and take orders from others and nurture grievances about Zevran’s divided attention.   
  
The first thing he’d come to love about Antiva was the hour after sundown, offering him a sense of anonymity, although he wasn’t all that worried about being identified. Already many nations had begun to doubt if there even was a real Blight, and Grey Warden Loghain had become the face of the victory whose shadow had obscured Lea Surana, and for once being an elven circle mage worked in his favour - people knew of Twice-A-Kingmaker, but he operated beyond the shadow line, for Kingmakers weren’t mages nor knife-ears. There were days where he could forget his pining for recognition and glory and appreciate the vastness of the void in which he and his ilk were cast. They could move more freely than any man or woman under public scrutiny - and the burden of their admiration - ever could.

  
Regardless, the blinding light and heat of the Antivan day waned, and in the dark he could breathe more easily. It spelled some sort of safety.   
  
This is why he could leave Soldier’s Peak unseen with only a select few trusted Wardens knowing that he’d gone. This is why he could take a ship to Rialto Bay and land among Fereldan strangers and no one paid attention. And this is why he could be here, unseen, unrecognised, unimportant.   
  
He sat on the edge of a sandstone cliff with a short but sheer drop below his dangling, bare feet. Well away from the camp, it had quickly become the spot where he could write his correspondence without any prying eyes and where the merry crows could not barrage him with questions about who he was, how’d he’d met the boss crow, or ask him for parlor tricks when the brandy they were drinking rose to their heads. A place where he could be alone with his thoughts.   
  
Lea sighed and tied his loose, heavy braid up into a bun and enjoyed the relief of the gentle night wind cooling down his neck. The landscape was bathed in moonlight. Antiva was a strange beast of both dead sand and Blight-tainted earth on which nothing grew, and incredible lushness and rain that surrounded the Antiva city whose lights burned on the horizon. He had not yet had the chance to visit the city. Couldn’t risk it, even if he’d had the time. Instead, they’d hide in this system of sandstone caves and venture not much further unless to carry out a mission, and change camps entirely should the sand under their feet become too hot.   
  
_ What do you see from this lonely hideout of yours, my Grey Warden? _ __  
__  
Lea whipped himself around and cried out in surprise, staring at the source of the voice.   
  
_ Ahh,  _ he groaned when he saw the light bounce off the Crow’s fair hair. Asshole, he thought, but didn’t say it, as he glared at Zevran who was contently perched on top of a large, lone rock. Never heard him coming. Lea exhaled, slouched his shoulders, and let himself fall backwards onto the cold sand.   
  
_ That’s it?  _ Zevran asked jovially and hopped off the rock to settle down next to Lea Surana.    
  
_ Do you want a prize?  _ Lea asked and sat up again, ignoring the crow’s eyes on him.   
  
_ Do you have one?  _ Zevran quipped.   
  
But Lea didn’t reply. He gathered his legs dangling over the edge and tucked them under him, and pulled his robes tighter around him even though here on the lush coast the nights were all too warm. Still not looking at the intruder.    
  
_ Do you need anything?  _ Lea said and bit his lip, looking at the cloth of the robe he played with in his lap, speaking idle phrases while his brain recovered from surprise and set a course. It had always been Zevran who’d been able to act in a moment, catch opportunities as they came, think on his feet, all the while Lea himself would be shaken by the unexpected, even in something as simple as a conversation between lovers.   
  
Zevran laughed.  _ You’ve been with us for a week and not looked me in the eye once.  _ Like midnight sun, his voice. Lea curled his toes under the robe.   
  
_ What’s wrong?  _ the crow continued, gently nudging the Warden with his shoulder but pulled away immediately when he felt Lea wilt at the touch.   
  
For a moment they shared a strange silence.   
  
Suddenly lifted his head, opened his mouth and closed it again as he looked into the distance.   
  
_ So, quite a flock you’ve a gathered, _ Lea said a bit too tersely.  _ You like them. Especially that saucy Second of yours. _ __  
__  
_ I like everyone who doesn’t want me dead,  _ Zevran scoffed and a smile tugged at his lips.  _ Sometimes I even like those who do want me dead. _ __  
__  
Another withering silence, and from the corner of his eye Lea Surana noticed that the elf wasn’t smiling anymore.    
  
_ As you wish,  _ Zevran said with a nod, then pushed off the ground to leave. Lea’s stomach sunk as he scraped the inside of his head for coherent thoughts.    
  
A shrill  _ wait!  _ Was all he could manage, but it worked. He stared at Zevran’s boots.   
  
_ Sit…. sit down,  _ Lea continued, pointing at the ground next to him. And so the elf did, still looking at him. Yet another silence settled between them until Lea finally spoke.   
  
_ I was ready to run back to the ship I crossed Amaranthine with, you know,  _ the Warden said, picking at the patterns of the robe cloth.  _ A year is a long time. A year with only letters to keep you company? Much longer.  _ He almost looked at Zevran, but caught himself, and wavered with words as the elf’s visage lingered in the corner of his vision. He wasn’t ready, not yet, to look in his face and find that his fears had come true.   
  
_ So,  _ Lea said and clasped his fingers to stop them from picking loose individual strands.  _ I come here and see your merry band of misfits and….  _ The thread of thought snapped, he could almost imagine the sound.   
  
….. _ and you got jealous,  _ Zevran finished it for him. Lea’s chest puffed and he almost rose to protest, but curbed the desire. Now was not the time. He paused to gather his thoughts.   
  
_ When I first heard you in that crag, I realised that I’d forgotten what you sound like.  _ He lowered his head and buried his face in his hands for a moment, then shifted them again so he could see, could think.  _ Afraid of what it meant. Your being so fucking flirty with everyone didn’t help.  _ He sighed and let his hands drop in his lap.   
  
_ Well, Warden, you didn’t exactly seem happy to see me the first time,  _ Zevran said.   
  
_ You ambushed me!  _ Lea snapped.   
  
_ One would think you’d be used to me ambushing you,  _ Zevran muttered, but Lea could hear a smile in his voice.  _ One would assume that you would like it after the glorious success of my last ambush. _ __  
  
_ I was surprised by your distance,  _ Zevran said.  _ I assumed you were tired, perhaps concerned for some trouble back in Ferelden, and I? Well, we’ve been busy as you can see. But, well, after seven days of my love speaking but two words to me after a year apart? You know, you haven’t looked me in the eye once since you arrived.  _ Lea could hear emotion bleed into Zevran’s voice, each word more red with pent-up frustration.    
  
_ I’m sorry,  _ Lea said meekly and quietly, but with honesty in his heart.  _ I was just… and you were-- _   
  
_ I know. But I thought that by now you would know that I keep my promises _ . And the sun in his voice went down and it grew colder, lower and clearer, though not unfriendly.  _ Or have I not given you sufficient reason to trust me?  _ __  
  
_ Well, you certainly spare no compliments for anything that breathes. Everyone but me _ , Lea said petulantly.   
__  
_ Ooooh, Lea surana wants a compliment! _ Zevran exclaimed and a little bit of light returned between them.  _ What compliments could I give to a skinny boy hiding those beautiful blue eyes from me, hm?  _ __  
__  
Lea stared into distance, but couldn’t suppress a smile.   
  
_ Zevran, tell me,  _ Lea started calmly,  _ has it ever worked on anyone? _ __  
__  
_ It worked on you once,  _ Zevran quipped.  _ Although it seems I’ve gotten a bit rusty. _ __  
__  
_ Then practice,  _ Lea challenged. The fear and unease he’d felt before sat stubbornly in the pit of his stomach, stirring from a black lump into something bubbling, something that demanded action before it ate its way through him.    
  
__ Come now. Look at me,  Zevran said, though it sounded as if it was spoken through a barrier. Lea felt acid crawl up his throat. He took a sharp breath and looked.

  
The chorus of doubt and fears that had festered in him since he had set sail from Ferelden fell silent.   
  
Lea reached out his hand to touch the familiar planes and angles of Zevran’s face as if to convince himself that this is real. And when the warmth of his skin and the stars in his dark eyes left no doubt in him, he felt tightness in his chest and he realised just how starved for touch he had been all this time, and the constant ache in his heart swelled and poured out, the relief bringing tears to his eyes. He leaned closer to brush aside Zevran’s hair and awkwardly pull him into his embrace, unable to say a word to him. All that occupied his thoughts now was the want, the need to be held to breathe him in.   
  
_ I’d missed what this feels like,  _ he murmured as he buried his face into Zevran’s shoulder when he felt him return the embrace and his fingers searching the naked skin under the loose collar of his robe, reacclimating to the shape, smell and sounds of him.    
  
For a while they stayed locked around each other, the only sound the hissing sand and rustling brush, with Lea resting his head on his lover’s shoulder, eyes closed counting every heartbeat.   
  
_ One, two, three sharp little bones.  _ He felt Zevran’s fingers gently run along the ridge where his neck joined the back.  _ I would’ve thought that free from your Circle and the trials of the road, they would feed their Warden-Commander better.  _ He pressed a tickling kiss into the side of Lea’s neck, and pulled away, hands sliding down the Warden’s naked arms, leaning his forehead against his.   
  
Lea scoffed softly.  _ You can see the Waking Sea from Soldier’s Peak. All there is to eat during winter is fish, floured fish, salted fish….  _ He let his head loll back and considered the starry sky. …. _ fresh fish, pickled fish, fish with carrots and potatoes, fish broth, dried fish.  _ He looked at Zevran again:  _ and salted pork. _ __  
__  
_ Oh,  _ the crow said.  _ Well, you’re not in Ferelden anymore. Here, food is eaten for pleasure as much as sustenance. When you join us, I’ll have something prepared for you that will blow your mind. _ __  
__  
_ Ooh,  _ Lea said and shifted his legs for comfort,  _ is it your special Antivan sausage and buns? _ __  
__  
Zevran laughed.  _ Among other things, should the Grey Warden wish, yes, but for those you will have to wait a little longer.  _ He ran his fingers along the thin leather strings around the Warden’s neck from which two promises hung, one of love and one for the Void. He looked at both the golden earring and the blood vial and his expression darkened.    
  
_ Hm?  _ Lea looked at the baubles in Zevran’s hand.   
  
_ It just occurred to me,  _ Zevran said after a pause,  _ that I will always have to share you with the Blight, and one day I will lose you to it.  _ The elf let the promises fall back to Lea’s chest.    
  
Lea let out an inaudible  _ oh,  _ and looked tenderly at Zevran and pulled him close. He looked the crow in the eye, face solemn and serious.   
  
_ I don’t think so,  _ he said, eyebrows cocked, and shook his head.  _ I didn’t die in Denerim, I will not die witless in the Deep Roads. _ __  
__  
_ You would have, had I not been there,  _ Zevran replied and leaned back.   
  
_ But you were, and I didn’t,  _ Lea said and smiled a small victor’s smile.  _ Now…   _ Lea said and pushed forward awkwardly onto his knees, slipped his chilly fingers along Zevran’s neck to the back of his head and pulled him close for a kiss a whole year too late.   
  
_ There,  _ he said softly as he broke the kiss.  _ All real, very much alive. All yours,  _ he murmured into the crow’s neck before kissing it quickly, then rising. The letters still needed writing, the rebel crows still needed their leader’s instructions.    
  
_ Take the first watch, will you?  _ He said over his shoulder as he walked back to his satchel.  _ I am hungry. _ __  
__  
A mere kiss was a breadcrumb for one who hungers; an insult to the starving.   
  
__  
__  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Oh, Lea. First love, first relationship, foul temper, insecurity, inexperience, long absence.
> 
> Thank you, luciferesque on Tumblr, for looking it over and editing!


End file.
